1 week ago
7
Hello, Internet; my sanction is Angelica, and if there's thing to cognize astir me, it's that I'm a longtime Swiftie who loves a bully (and bad!) rom-com. Honestly, the cheesier and cringier*, the better. So, obviously, I decided to beryllium so, truthful brave and watched the supposedly Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce-inspired Lifetime movie, "Christmas successful the Spotlight," which dropped this week, truthful you don't person to. For science, obviously!
Here are the honest, unfiltered thoughts I had portion watching it:
1. It's a BOLD prime to commencement disconnected the movie with 1 of the Taylor-inspired character's songs and for it to beryllium this...not good.
2. Obsessed with her sanction being Bowyn. It's giving that 1 baby sanction meme, wherever each the names are similar "Lakynn," "Nayvie," "Madylynn."
Think you’re Blondie’s biggest fan? Put your ~reputation~ to the test.
3. Oh, we're making jokes astir her penning astir being single! Is this gonna beryllium Ginny and Georgia 2.0???
Hey Ginny & Georgia, 2010 called and it wants its lazy, profoundly sexist gag back. How astir we halt degrading hard moving women by defining this equine crap arsenic FuNnY. Also, @netflix aft Miss Americana this outfit doesn’t look cute connected you 💔 Happy Women’s History Month I conjecture pic.twitter.com/2X0jEOXIWp
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) March 1, 20214. NOT "MOVIE TRAVIS" HAVING THE #13 JERSEY LMAO.
5. So movie-Travis (aka Drew, besides is besides called Gonzo...yes similar the Muppet, though they bash not ever notation it) plays connected the aforesaid squad arsenic his brother, Rob (who is loosely inspired by Jason Kelce).
6. Listen, I americium not a hater and I volition springiness this movie recognition wherever recognition is due. The histrion playing Drew perfectly studied the heck retired of however Travis speaks and it's really not an atrocious impression. I, however, cannot accidental the aforesaid astir the idiosyncratic playing his brother.
7. I deliberation this antheral is their Patrick Mahomes, who is attempting a locker country pep talk.
8. Alright, update: Her sanction is Bowyn, they telephone her Bow, and her fans are the arrows??? Tsk tsk missed accidental to beryllium the archers. Also, I think they're calling her die-hard fans the "arrowheads," which I'm assuming is simply a notation to the Chief's IRL stadium, Arrowhead.
9. Once again, the euphony is bad.
10. Thus far, the astir likable quality is Nicole, who is the movie mentation of Jason Kelce's wife, Kylie. She did not travel to play.
11. OK, lore update: truthful apparently, Bowyn got celebrated from world TV and past became a philharmonic sensation? Absolutely tracks, she's giving overmuch much Vanderpump Rules than Taylor Swift.
12. They're doing the Hallmark-esque rom-com happening wherever they springiness the antheral emotion involvement a kid sidekick and she conscionable told this man, "You’re not a goof, you conscionable marque atrocious choices." READ HIM GIRL!
13. He amazed his niece with tickets to Bowyn's performance (cough cough, the Eras Tour). My existent question present is...what were their astonishment songs???
14. This movie is simply a large illustration of wherefore making a popular prima your protagonist is specified a atrocious idea. Like, you are actively trying to person maine your girlie is truthful talented and truthful famous, but the euphony is astir ne'er good! And they bash not person the IT-factor connected stage! I privation to similar her, but I cannot instrumentality her seriously, and they aren't leaning into things hard capable for it to beryllium comic oregon camp! Give maine bops oregon springiness maine drama!
15. Gonzo snuck his niece backstage to conscionable Bowyn, and it was a full missed accidental to springiness the Swifties their "I wanted to springiness Taylor Swift [a relationship bracelet] with my fig connected it" Tayvis moment! That's axenic rom-com material!
ICYMI, Travis mentioned this successful an occurrence of "New Heights" earlier they were publically together.
16. The happening for maine with Bowyn is that the writers can't determine whether oregon not she's expected to beryllium Taylor Swift. She doesn't springiness Taylor AT ALL property oregon looks-wise, but they support referencing her similar she is, past springiness her backstory that is precise overmuch the other of that.
It's benignant of a mindfuck of a viewing acquisition to beryllium like...OK...that's NOT Taylor astatine all...but present you privation maine to deliberation she is...but present you don't? HELP.
17. Take a changeable each clip they marque a Swiftie reference, portion 1:
18. HERE WE GO AGAIN, SHOT!
19. *DJ KHALED VOICE* ANOTHER ONE!
20. I person tried, but I cannot get past the information that the histrion who plays Bowyn is simply a yassified Brittany Mahomes. It's, like, really distracting me.
21. SHOT! SHOT! SHOT! SHOT! for a "You're On Your Own, Kid" reference! Except this time, she means it virtually due to the fact that Bowyn is revealing that her begetter died erstwhile she was younger and she was raised by a azygous mom.
22. We've officially unlocked the "I committedness not to autumn successful emotion with you" trope.
23. The irony of this movie having a enactment astir her not wanting to spell nationalist with the narration due to the fact that “once the satellite knows, they deliberation they ain it,” arsenic though they are not profiting disconnected a movie precise heavy inspired by a celebrity's life.
24. Bowyn and Gonzo (sorry I cannot instrumentality those names earnestly asdkjfh) support trying to person america that they are truthful into each different but their chemistry is conscionable so...off? Like each speech I've seen is conscionable a conveyance for them to driblet lore astir each different and that's it.
25. I'm obsessed with however into puzzles she is. She is virtually over-explaining the due mode to bash a puzzle to this man.
It's giving "women successful male-dominated fields!"
26. Not the sexily moving a puzzle portion up her arm...not that...please...I americium cringing truthful hard my psyche is leaving my body.
27. The past puzzle portion is missing and she says that means it's a tie. I did not cognize you could triumph making a puzzle??
28. The movie mentation of Patrick Mahomes has a woman named Cassandra...SHOT!
29. These 2 are connected their literal 2nd day and astir to interruption up due to the fact that he's truthful distraught helium can't archer his friends oregon household (besides his mom, who helium already told) astir them seeing each other. Is that not normal?? I consciousness similar it's beauteous mean to not archer everyone you cognize astir idiosyncratic you've gone retired with virtually once?? Straight radical delight measurement in, I americium unfamiliar with your culture.
30. Props to this movie for not doing the dumb, misogynistic “she lone writes astir breakups oregon romance” happening due to the fact that I was disquieted they would for a minute, but they're actively making amusive of it (as we should each beryllium doing, TBH! It's truthful tired!).
31. We've made it to the game, y'all.
32. Holding abstraction present for the Travis archer pose:
33. Asking to springiness a toast astatine the Thanksgiving meal of your not-boyfriend you’ve gone connected 2 dates with is WILD.
34. “I privation more…more real-life…more us.” Then mayhaps y'all spell connected a 3rd date, bestie.
35. “The Alchemy betwixt these 2 was disconnected the charts." SHOT!
36. Not the joking astir having to explicate shot to her fans lmao...I've been called out.
37. We are boldly addressing the "they're fake dating truthful she tin merchantability albums to NFL fans" allegations.
38. "You’re the champion happening astatine this party.” SHOT!
39. The happening that grinds my gears present is however overmuch much they soma retired Gonzo than Bowyn. He's allowed to beryllium charming and funny, but she truly has nary property speech from being famous. I tin archer they're trying to get pistillate viewers to bargain what Gonzo is selling here, but it's a full missed accidental to marque your pistillate protagonist truthful level and forgettable erstwhile a bully chunk of viewers are apt Swifties present to spot a Taylor-inspired rom-com (rather than the Travis-inspired movie this truly is).
Like, Taylor Swift is known for penning astir the complexities of girlhood and they're not giving america thing to enactment with here!
40. This movie keeps forgetting Gonzo is besides famous. He is struggling arsenic her +1 astatine a gala of immoderate benignant but like...athletes spell to these kinda events too, no?
41. Leaving during the mediate of an lawsuit that is technically your 3rd day is WILD.
42. Alright, we person the instrumentality of her vain, influencer ex-boyfriend who she keeps making 1989 references about, truthful invited to the plot, knockoff Harry Styles!*
43. "He’s a amended antheral than you successful each way…" is not not a communal operation but for the involvement of this game, I'm calling it a "Better Man" reference...so...SHOT!
44. “Thanks for each the hit-singles, but this medium is over.” Okay, diva!
45. She is present abruptly calling him her boyfriend, but they besides support talking astir it being ace casual. What is HAPPENING here? He's talking astir switching teams and moving to LA (in part) for her?? I cannot support way of this narration timeline for my life.
46. This baking country whitethorn possibly beryllium 1 of the astir realistic parts of the full movie, actually.
47. When you and your member are specified besties he'll barge successful connected your day but you don't archer him you signed to different squad and helium finds retired done the property instead. <3
48. "I’m truthful bushed of pursuing everyone else’s crippled program for my life” did really marque maine snort.
49. Alright, this movie is similar 75% implicit and we've yet reached a crippled twist, which is *SPOILER ALERT* that Bow's ex was signaling the speech they had astatine the gala and leaked portion of it that made her dependable similar she was lone dating Gonzo for entree to the NFL and medium sales. Kim and Kanye, is that you?
50. Gonzo is present upset helium is switching teams for a miss who is utilizing him, which is wherefore we bash not marque five-year-contract level decisions for radical we've been connected little than a fistful of dates with!
51. Oh, I americium being reminded again that the euphony successful this movie is so, truthful bad.
52. We lone made it astir 2 minutes into this movie with struggle earlier it was precise conveniently resolved by her ex-boyfriend's adjunct quitting and releasing the afloat portion that clears her name. Like, determination was not adjacent clip to consciousness immoderate sadness implicit this happening due to the fact that it was resolved truthful fast. Personally, I deliberation the cardinal to a bully romance is letting them endure a small bit! So it's worthy it erstwhile the person *the moment*!
53. There's 14 minutes near successful this movie and I consciousness similar we've lone present recovered immoderate semblance of a crippled here.
54. Friendship bracelets...SHOT!
55. I consciousness similar this movie needs to determine if it's Tayvis fanfiction oregon it's ain happening due to the fact that it's trying to bash some and it's failing truly badly. I consciousness similar this could beryllium arsenic conscionable a generic "pop prima and her shot BF" story, but it's leaning excessively heavy connected Taylor, Travis, and Swiftie references to consciousness unattached. That being said, it's besides not rather going all-in connected being unabashed fanfiction similar The Idea of You did re: Harry Styles.
56. She saw him wearing the bracelet astatine the crippled and assumed it meant they were backmost together...me erstwhile I'm delusional.
Also crippled update: helium signed backmost with his archetypal squad and is not moving to LA! We each cheered!
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